I Am Not Who I Was
by YouLookLikeFOOD
Summary: Kaylee has always lived a normal life. But now she's been getting these headaches, and memories that are not her own start rising. It's only a matter of time before she realizes that she must choose who she is. Kaylee Smith, or Rose Tyler?
1. Brother and Sister

"If there's something weird, and it don't feel good,

Who ya gonna call?

GHOSTBUSTERS!"

Kaylee laughed at her brother's insanity. He was dancing like crazy, repeating lyrics in wrong orders and often times to different tunes.

"I ain't afraid of no ghosts!" She chimed in.

Leon grinned. "You got ghosts, uh-huh, freaky ghosts, baby! You'd better call!"

"Bustin' makes me feel good!"

Leon, finally somewhat tired from his strange dance moves that could barely be called dancing, collapsed in an undignified heap on the floor, laughing.

"Well, that was fun." Kaylee said, chuckling.

He nodded. "Wanna do it again?" His grin was as wild as ever.

She laughed. "Are you serious? Look at us! We're adults, for crying out loud!" her face grew solemn. "We should start acting our age. Show a little responsibility for once."

He looked at her, and they burst out laughing.

"Ghostbusters!" She cried, on her feet again.

"Done with that." Leon said, disappearing into the other room for a second. When he came back, he had a towel wrapped around his neck- classic 'cape' fashion- and was making whooshing noises. "Superman!"

Kaylee laughed. "And I am living Kryptonite!"

Leon gasped and started running as she chased after him.

"Ack!" he cried as she lashed out towards him. He started to fall to the floor, coughing and hacking.

Kaylee kept laughing until she realized her brother wasn't breathing. Panic filled her eyes. "Leon? _Leon!_" She knelt down next to him.

His eyes snapped open. "Gotcha!" He started tickling her. "You are so _lame._"

"Oh yeah?" She demanded, twisting his hands. He gasped in pain.

"Say I'm not lame!"

"You're not, you're not! Ow ow ow!"

She grinned. "Now say uncle!"

"No way!"

"Say it!"

"Ouch! Ok, ok, uncle!"

She laughed and let go, only to cry out as he whirled around and started chasing her, bent on revenge.

This behavior continued until the two of them couldn't take it anymore. Still chuckling, Kaylee collapsed on the couch, Leon next to her.

"You're insane." She said breathlessly.

"You just now noticed?" He asked, a wild maniac grin on his face.

She laughed. "Nah, I've known for a long time."

They sat there for a minute, trying to catch their breath. Finally, she spoke up. "When are you going back to Florida?"

He sighed. He'd moved to America a long time ago, and Kaylee was still having a hard time getting used to it. He'd come back a few days ago, but their time had been so filled with relatives and friends visiting that they hadn't really had a chance to just be the brother and sister they were.

"I'm not going back to Florida, sis."

"What?" She whirled to face him.

He nodded. "I'm gonna find some job here, somehow. I can't live there anymore." He shrugged. "It's too hot. Plus, I miss home."

She smiled, leaning into her brother's arms as he wrapped them around her. "Good. I really missed you, big brother."

He grinned. "Missed you too, sis." His expression grew serious. "I'm gonna have to hang out here until I can get somewhere else. I mean, if that's ok with you."

She smiled, looking at him. "Why wouldn't it be, Leon? You're my brother."

He smiled back, though his eyes were distant. "Yeah. That I am."

* * *

"I think she knows something's wrong."

Leon was leaning against one of the TARDIS's coral structures. It felt good to just talk to the machine from time to time.

Even if she never really answered.

He sighed. "I mean, she doesn't know it's _me, _and she's hardly going to guess who she is. But there _is _something she's aware of. I just wish I knew what."

He sighed, flipping a few of the TARDIS's switches absentmindedly, before plopping down onto the bench.

"Maybe I could erase her memory again. But the risks are too high for that." He sighed. "If only I could just _tell _her."

The TARDIS remained silent.

Leon sighed deeply. "I mean, she _isn't _Rose, even if she looks like her, talks like her…" he trailed off.

"Who am I kidding?" He asked at last. "_That's_ Rose. Simple as that." He lowered his head until it hit the TARDIS's console. "But how could this happen? Why is she here now?"

The TARDIS had no answers.

So Leon, who was really The Doctor, sighed and walked out of the door.

* * *

Kaylee grinned as Leon entered the room. He sat down next to her with a sigh.

"Rose?" He whispered softly.

"What?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind." He breathed.

The other eyebrow joined the first. She looked at him for a long time. Finally, she shrugged, pushing the incident from her mind.

Even if Leon looked like he was going to cry.

Finally, Leon sighed. "I'm going to bed, k?"

She smiled. "Sure, sure. See you in the morning?"

He nodded and walked off into the other room.

Once inside, he leaned against the door. His hearts sunk as his mind raced.

Desperate to stop thinking about her, he began to walk around the room, snatching up random items and assembling them into something. What it was, he wasn't quite sure of. But he had to do _something. _Anything! Just so long as it kept his mind off of the girl in the other room.

* * *

Kaylee sighed. What was wrong with Leon?

_That's not his name. _Her mind suddenly rejected the thought that her brother's name was Leon.

She shook her head, trying to clear it. That was… odd.

_He's The Doctor. _Her mind insisted.

She scoffed at the strange thoughts that had suddenly appeared, filling her mind. Who was called 'The Doctor'?"

_He is. _

No! He was _Leon, _her older brother!

_No. he's called The Doctor. He has two hearts. _

_**What?**_ Now this was just getting strange. The thought of someone, anyone, having two hearts was just… absurd!

_You loved him once, Rose. _

"That's it!" She shouted out loud. "He's my brother! Of _course _I love him!" Her eyes narrowed against the invisible opponent. "And my name is _Kaylee_."

_No. You are Rose Tyler._

But Kaylee just shook her head. She'd had enough of this nonsense.

She turned on the TV to avoid the memories that were not her own.

**Disclaimer: I'd like to point out that I do _Not _own Ghostbusters or Superman. Or Doctor Who, sadly. **


	2. Remembering

The creature was smaller than she was, but somehow much more terrifying than almost anything ever could be.

"I'm coming." Kaylee turned her head to look at the screen, across from the creature standing next to her. A man smiled at her, and suddenly, it was as though there was nothing wrong. There was nothing that could ever be wrong.

He pointed an object at the screen, and it vanished.

Kaylee turned, almost triumphantly, to the creature beside her.

But when she looked at it again, its single eye, held from its body by an eyestalk, narrowed on her, as though looking at her…

The scene changed, but the creature was still there, still watching her, singling her out in a crowd, a crowd that died in a blast of electricity moments later.

And then she was alone with the creature, the creature and the man who had been on the screen. The creature's metal casing was open, revealing a small blue blobby… _thing, _with tiny tentacles and a single eye. The man was standing behind her as she faced it, a large, strange-looking weapon in his hands.

"Give me orders…" The creature screeched out, somehow pathetically. "Order me to die…"

And the world went black.

Kaylee woke with a pounding headache. She groaned as a flame passed through her thoughts, pain being the only thing she could think.

"Morning, sunshine!" Leon's face was next to hers, tilting as he stared.

She giggled and pushed him. He fell backwards theatrically, purposefully ending up on the floor when he could just as easily regained his balance.

She laughed. "Get up you lamebrain." She extended a hand.

"Up?" He replied, indignant. "I'm the one who's up." He pulled her to the ground next to him. "_You, _my dear sister, _you _are upside down. How on earth did you manage _that?_"

He looked at her, his brown eyes wide and sparkling.

For a moment, Kaylee saw those brown eyes in a different area, staring at her through the dark of a thousand galaxies, a single tear running down his face as she waited for him to say something, to reply, but knowing somehow that it would be too late for him to speak, that he had used up his time and he would be gone forever…

She shook her head, trying to clear it as another flash of pain flared through her, sending red across her vision.

Leon looked at her in concern. "Kay? You alright?"

She smiled. "Fine. Fine, just a bit of a headache." She leapt up and helped him to his feet. "Come on. If you're staying here, you're going to be _useful._"

She led him to the kitchen, where she tried in vain to teach him to make eggs. Eventually, most of the food ended up on the floor or in the other's hair, and eventually the two had declared an all-out food fight, which Leon won after just five minutes and a devastating wreck on the kitchen.

Kaylee laughed and went to go and wash her face, which had definitely gotten the worst of the damage. She briefly wondered when he'd become so good at food fights, then remembered that he'd once been nominated the King of Food Throwing by his fellow students back in high school.

She finished her face, then proceeded to her hair, washing it in the sink to keep everything from getting too messy. When she finally finished, she toweled it off and walked back to the kitchen.

She was about to go into the room when she heard Leon talking.

"No, it's fine." He sighed heavily. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

He paused, and Kaylee realized he was talking on the phone.

"No, no, she's fine." He went on. "Yes, I'm fine too…" He bristled at something the other had said. "Am not... Ok, fine, so I'm a bad liar, doesn't mean anything. I'm fine, really."

There was another pause. "No." he sighed, a horrible sigh that seemed to come from the darkest parts of her brother. "No, it's not really her. It's… it's someone else. It's a long story."

There was another, much longer pause. "Don't you dare." He said warningly. "She's having enough trouble already; I think she's starting to remember. If you come, she may remember everything, and I really don't want to have to wipe it again… Martha, I'm not kidding. Stop it." His voice had gotten colder.

He listened, clearly not liking what he was hearing as he paced, trying to interrupt with, "Yes, but…"

Finally, he got his words in. "It's not that simple… Yes, her memory's lacking a few parts…" His voice lowered to a grumble. "No, she doesn't remember anything from… from then… no, she won't really remember _you, _she didn't meet you until then… Please, Martha, don't make this harder… She'll know you for what you are. She's been through too much _not _to. She'll see it, in your eyes, it's happened before…"

There was a moment where he remained absolutely silent. "Fine." He said heavily, consenting at last and seemingly against his will. "Fine, you can come. But _no fighting. _She doesn't even remember half of what happened… Yes, yes, I've missed you too." He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the wall. "But if I have to erase her memory _again…_"

There was a long pause, then, "Fine. See you soon."

Kaylee slowly cleared her throat and stepped into the room. Leon's face broke into a huge smile.

"Ah. There you are." He grinned. "An old friend of mine is going to stop by later."

Kaylee, pretending not to have heard the incredibly weird conversation her brother just had, replied with, "Oh?"

"Yeah. Name's Martha Jones. She's a nice girl; you two will get along famously."

"Sure." She tried to blow if off. "But if you're going to have _anyone _over, that kitchen needs to be _clean._"

He groaned. "Aw, come on, it's not like she's going to want a full tour of the house, we could just steer her away from it…"

"_Clean._" She insisted, handing him a mop. "Go on."

He smiled at her, but she couldn't return it. Her mind was too focused on what she had just heard. Her brother had been talking about _erasing memories. _That wasn't exactly your every-day conversation starter.

Who was this 'Martha'? Why had Kaylee never heard of her before?

Or had she?

_"She doesn't remember."_

Kaylee cried out as the words sparked memories in her mind. That voice, speaking again and again, a different time a different world…

_He's called The Doctor._ Something whispered to her.

She clutched her head. She heard someone screaming, a woman. It took a very long time for her to realize that the sound was coming from her lungs, from her lips, piercing the air around her instead of staying confined in her thoughts. She was screaming, crying out in agony as fire burned through her memories, twisting them, rearranging them.

_"Doctor!_" She screamed, long and drawn out. "_Doctor!_"

She barely noticed Leon at her side. "Kaylee, Kaylee, relax, please, you're safe, you're safe…" He held her against him, and she could feel a tear roll from his cheek and onto hers.

"What's my name?" She asked, her voice a soft, choking whisper. He stiffened and didn't reply.

"What's my name?" She asked again, the words coming out in an angry hiss.

"Rose Tyler." Leon replied, so softly that she had to strain her ears to hear him. "You're name is Rose Tyler."

The words flowed out almost subconsciously. Indeed, she was finding it hard to control them, and she found she didn't _want _to control them. For within those words came answers, and questions she hadn't known she had.

"Why all the lies, Doctor?" She asked painfully. "Why would you lie to me?"

"Rose…" He breathed.

But her vision was fading, as was the pain and the memories. The world blurred around her, and suddenly she was in a large, round room. The lights were blue-green, with a large, glass column in the center. Coral-like structures supported the roof.

Leon was coming towards her, something in his hand. He was muttering apologies, tears rolling down his cheeks.

He placed something on her forehead. "What…?" She croaked out, but she never got any further.

Her vision blackened again, and she found herself looking at Leon, standing in the same room. Someone else had entered; a woman, with dark skin and hair, her eyes intense and focused.

A part of her, a part that had a name, a name that she was slowly forgetting, knew in an instant what those eyes had seen. That part had seen the same; the wonder and the horror that this room contained.

"I'm sorry, Martha." Leon said, his voice distorted, as though it was traveling through water. "But I can't risk it. Her memories are too delicate as it is; I've already had to erase them twice, and each time it becomes less effective…"

The world turned to darkness.

There was no headache as she looked at the creature. It was a large, metal man, its face cold and emotionless, silver in color.

She watched it, no longer a part of the action around her. A few more of these metal men came up the stairs.

They spoke as the other stood in their way, speech which blurred and, surprisingly, had them shot by the metal man that stood, alone.

A single tear rolled down its face as the gun fired a bright, electric blue, its metallic voice talking slowly.

"I did my duty for queen and country. I did my duty for queen and country…"

Kaylee Smith opened her eyes.


	3. Stygge Ulv

**A/N: Sorry for the late update!**

Stygge Ulv.

Kaylee couldn't understand what the words meant. Only that they seemed to be holding onto her mind in an iron grip.

Stygge Ulv. Where had she heard those words before?

"Hey, sleepy-head." Leon's face poked into her vision, his brown eyes wide and curious. "What's new?"

She blinked slowly. Hadn't they done this before?

She tried to think about what had happened. Leon said he'd be staying here, not going back, and he'd called her something… A name that wasn't her own…

What _was _it?

She shook her head, trying to clear it. She was hitting a blank wall; she didn't even remember going to sleep.

She blinked. "How long was I out?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Twelve hours. It's noon already." He winked. "You're a heavy sleeper."

"Noon?" She blinked again, trying to process this information. "Already?"

"Yep."

She paused, trying to think.

_Stygge Ulv._

And that was it. There was nothing else. She couldn't remember anything from last night.

And yet, something was irritating her. As though she'd seen Leon in this situation before; knowing he was staying home, his eyes staring into her own to wake her up… This wasn't the first time.

But it _had _to be. It just had to. What other explanation was there?

_Stygge Ulv._

She scowled at thin air, not understanding the words and not liking them. She threw her blanket off, leaping out of bed.

She looked around, then turned to her brother. "What are you doing in my room?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

His lower lip jutted out. "Aw, come on, sis. You can't tell me you're mad about _that…_"

"I'm telling mom!" She shrieked, giggling and running out of the room.

For a moment, he looked panicked. She didn't have time to puzzle over his expression until she made it out of the room and into the hallway.

"Mom?" He questioned.

She rolled her eyes. "Loosen up, Leon. For Pete's sake, you're acting like a total…" Her eyes widened in horror and she spoke the word as though it was an unspeakable crime. "_Adult._"

"Adult?" He raised an eyebrow. "Now that's just offensive!"

She laughed. Everything was back to normal. Her brother was home. She was fine; no nightmares, no names that weren't hers. She was just Kaylee Smith. No one and nothing else.

* * *

Martha Jones sat and thought.

Her pencil hovered above the paper, pausing in mid-air, waiting for instructions that she could not give, because she didn't have them yet.

She sighed heavily. How hard could this be? It was just like it had been, back in the TARDIS, writing everything down so she didn't forget anything. Keeping a journal that could always be remembered.

These days, that journal was kept so she wouldn't go back. Everything she learnt about the Doctor in the time she was away from him, away from the TARDIS, was nothing but pain and misery, and that was all she wrote down.

Because, in every way, she missed the stars. She missed the running, the fighting, spending time in those horrible, wonderful, beautiful and nightmarish planets. She missed the TARDIS.

And, she missed the Doctor. She missed his maniac grin, his strange behavior, the way he acted, as though everything was a game and nothing should be taken seriously.

Because if he took anything seriously, Martha doubted he would still be alive. Everything he had seen, all he had heard and done, it would kill him if he ever looked back. The man who was always running had a reason.

Which was exactly why she couldn't go back. It wasn't just because he had ignored her when she thought she loved him; it was because she couldn't stand watching one more person get hurt.

But even here, back on Earth, helping in her own way and staying away from The Doctor, he just kept coming back into her life.

And really, how could she _not _help him? He'd looked so pathetic, not knowing what to wish for, not knowing what to do. It was so rare that The Doctor didn't know something, and when it happened, he either loved it or hated it.

Like the time they had gone to the end of the universe. He loved that; not knowing, not having a clue what he would find outside of the TARDIS doors.

But _this?_

It was enough to send a shiver down Martha's spine. She could only hope for the best for them both, and try to help when she could.

She sighed and began to write, so she could remember why she had left that blue box in the first place…

* * *

Kaylee slapped the newspaper down on the table in front of Leon, whose face was covered in syrup.

She moved aside his plate of pancakes, earning an indignant "Hey!" from her brother as she opened to the section she was looking for.

"Jobs. Go get one." She said briskly, indicating the ads.

He pouted. "Really sis? Before I even finish breakfast, you're going to slap this on me?"

"Yes."

He stuck his tongue out at her, then turned to the paper. "Ugh. None of this is up to my intellectual standard." He crumpled it up and tossed it in the trash with perfect accuracy. "Bull's-eye!"

She pulled a second paper out from behind her, slapping it down on the table. "Get. A. Job."

"Make me."

"Make me make you."

"Make me make you make me."

"Make me make you make me make you."

"Make me make you make me make you make me."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

She had to laugh at that, taking the paper away and ruffling his hair in a way that would annoy anyone else in the world but him.

"Come on, Leon." She said, searching the fridge for her own breakfast. "I'm not kidding. We're going to drive each other nuts after a while; you're going to need your own place."

He made a show of looking offended. "Kaylee Smith! Are you kicking me out?"

"No." She shut the fridge door, having fully forgotten what she was looking for. "Of course not."

"Ah, good. Then I can eat my pancakes." He proceeded to do exactly that.

She blinked, then turned back to the fridge, once again searching for her breakfast and confused as to why she shut it in the first place.

* * *

"It'll be the little things, first."

The Doctor nodded, wringing his hands as he looked at the holographic screen.

The alien on the other end clicked once, then continued with, "Simple things. Forgetting to put the cat out, location of car keys…"

"In that case, everyone in the universe has dual memories." Replied a third alien from another holographic projector. "Really, Tarna. Get to the point."

Tarna clicked irritably, then went on. "But then it will get bigger. Memories will start to take over, dates overlapping until the subject becomes so confused that her mind…" She trailed off.

The other alien, a rather irritable Keran named Lornao, sighed deeply into his mike. "It all depends on how the subject reacts. It's a very delicate process, Doctor, and if you're not careful…"

"I'm aware of the _risks, _Lornao." The Doctor said coldly. "What I need to know is what I can _do _to preventthem, not that I _need _to prevent them."

Tarna let out a small, chattering noise, her eyes flickering back and forth from Lornao to the Doctor in the typical nervous state of her kind. She wrung her hands. "Do? There's nothing anyone can _do, _Doctor. You're going to have to sit this one out, I'm afraid."

"Sit it out?" The Doctor questioned. "That's not good enough, Tarna. There has to be something I can do. _Anything._"

"To be honest, Doctor," Lornao interrupted. "It's not up to you. It's up to the subject."

"She has a name." The Doctor bit out.

"Really?" Lornao asked. "What is it?"

"Rose Ty…" The Doctor paused.

Lornao sighed. "Exactly. Face it, Doctor; you're too attached to this. As I was saying, it's not up to_ you _who this girl becomes. She has to decide that."

"But it _is _Rose!" The Doctor interjected.

"I'm afraid it's not." Tarna said heavily. "It _could _be, but there is no way to be certain until she decides for herself."

"She'll never get the chance!" The Doctor snapped in reply. "Every single time any memory of Rose Tyler's comes into her mind, it hurts her! I've had to erase her memories _twice _already! Do you have any idea how _dangerous _that is?"

"Naturally." Tarna replied, clicking in a rather offended manner. "If you remember, Doctor, I did write a book or two on the subject." She paused. "You won't be able to do it a third time. This will have to be her last; she'll have to decide eventually."

"Let's hope she decides _correctly._" Lornao said, putting special emphasis on the word 'correctly' and looking pointedly at the Doctor.

"She could very well become Rose Tyler." Tarna went on. "But, at the same time, she could be Kaylee Smith." She, too, was looking at the Doctor as she said this.

The Doctor noticed the almost accusatory glances. "You think I don't want it to be Kaylee?" He questioned. "I know who she is."

Lornao and Tarna exchanged a glance, then Lornao cut the transmission.

Tarna turned back to the Doctor. "You will keep us informed on the situation?" She inquired, turning her head and clicking anxiously.

The Doctor nodded once, curtly.

Tarna cut off the transmission, then created a link directly to Lornao.

"What do you think?" She inquired of the Keran.

"Of Kaylee? Or The Doctor?"

"The Doctor."

Lornao sighed heavily. "I think he's getting old."

"Agreed."

"And you? What's your opinion on the matter?"

Tarna paused, gathered her thoughts, then hesitantly replied, "I can only say that I know who I want to remain in the girl's mind."

"As do I." Lornao nodded once, gravely. "But I don't think The Doctor will allow it."

"Do you really blame him?" Tarna questioned. "He's lost her many times before; how could he stand to do it again?"

Lornao paused, and for a moment there was silence as the two considered this.

"'By Terra, the man bleeds.'" Lornao recited, using an old quote from an even older human hero, lost in a battle of long ago.

Tarna smiled wryly, then ended the communication. There was nothing more to say.


End file.
